Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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