A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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