i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize