Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I still have a little drunk in my system
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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