Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize