Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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