I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
MIDGETS
????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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