I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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