I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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