I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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