we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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