I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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