That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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