no, he came in my armpit
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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