Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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