hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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