I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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