Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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