I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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