I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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