chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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