please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
