we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize