smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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