PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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