I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize