Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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