what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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