and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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