is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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