you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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