I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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