I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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