Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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