my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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