I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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