i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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