I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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