just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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