Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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