my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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