everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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