But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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