you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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