I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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