i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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