I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize