the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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