Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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