it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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