Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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