I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize